Sunday, August 8, 2010

NYC Summer (2010) - Week 1

One week into my bite into the big apple I figured it was time for a highlights reel of my time so far...

I flew out of YVR, got to Toronto and missed a possible connecting flight at 2:15 by mere minutes which meant whiling away some time at the airport bar only to be confronted with the cancellation of the 4:30 flight I had originally planned on taking - I love air travel...especially standby air travel - I'm such a friggin' pro. So I sat tight and tried for the next flight (which was subsequently delayed) and you won't believe it but I made it on (in spite of having to nicely ask the agents to re-list me...for those not in the know, simply disregard or write in for a detailed description of the way that i travel....scintillating, or at least guaranteed to make you get down and kiss the standard issue airport carpet floor for not having to put up with what i have to put up with....i know, i know...my price sure is right)
Anyway, onto the plane I get and (here again is where I remember that my way of flying has it's highlights) they've got me up in business! G and Ts all round! Well at least all round my tray table (too bad about the Canada Dry tonic tho).
Arriving in NYC was exciting. Less exciting for my bags since they weren't arriving in NYC like I was...too bad for them :( I gave my info to the beleaguered lost baggage clerk and treated myself to a cab ride into town as it was getting on in the evening by this point. I arrived at Mott St to a wonderful welcome from Britta and Matt who I hadn't seen since Brisbane which seemed lightyears away.
For the next 3 days I enjoyed:
1) Britta and Matt's hospitality
2) Britta's clothes
3) My body remembering how to sweat - enjoyment debatable on that one
4) Not having my bags - ditto the above
....a great combination if I ever heard of one (THANK YOU BRITTA AND MATT!!)
On the upside I went to my first wine class where I learned some stuff and drank some wine. I also bought a toothbrush and a magical dress (long white dresses have some strange effect on people, they smile at you more, are generally nicer to you - I think it's a bridal thing - altho, ironically, I am definitely no bride)
Also squeezed in a visit to the Met where I saw the American Woman exhibit and some installation of a bunch of bamboo stalks on the rooftop - very cool. I love me some Met. Followed this up with some by donation yoga, just breathing in this city makes me sweaty. Doing yoga in this city...you don't want to know. I still hurt.
After 3 days of Mott Street living sans bags I arrived in Greenpoint at about the same time as my bags did - upside: I didn't have to schlep my stuff from Manhattan to Brooklyn...some sweet silver lining there!
Greenpoint has proven to be most interesting - I discover new stuff every day.
My favourite thing so far is that I now live down the street from Gimme Coffee, which is lovely, fab and delicious and staffed with friendly people.
On the way to Gimme Coffee from my house I pass by a curious silver food truck called Goods which makes this egg and cheese biscuit which is TO DIE FOR and mini powdered sugar beignet donuts - this makes for one embarassing breakfast - but very worth it :)
Today I figured it was time to try the best donuts in New York City - literally around the corner from my house - Peter Pan Bakery - they rival Granville Island donuts in their more exotic flavours but the Granville Island honey dip still reigns supreme.
Today's sweaty donut breakfast feels pretty emblematic of week one....so I think I'll leave it at that for this week :)

i went on a road trip...

here are some photos:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2697119&id=28100950&l=fe0b384fe4

Sunday, July 4, 2010

so here i am...in the wilderness! to my right a giant god-knows-how-deep lake inhabited by 20 ft long sturgeon fish and to my left a seemingly ever-stretching vista of great canadian woods
i went for a walk yesterday. it was cold - because for some reason - they say it is normally warm here in summer - but since i am here - it is downright chilly here in canada this summer - anyway - so out i went but as it was cold - i put on a....fleece - yes a fleece - also hiking boots.
then phil gave me a knife to carry - just in case of bears, cougars, rapists, delectable cheese - you never know...
anyway - so i walked down the highway for a while - then i wandered into a meadow and as i was admiring the view a deer jumped out of nowhere just a few meters away from me....i was so spooked i went home right away
suffice it to say...for any of you listening out there...
HELP ME - i'm turning canadian!!!

Friday, March 26, 2010

Ah how life lurches around and sometimes forward but seldom in the direction you think. School is out. Travel is in. Leaving Lantana. Leaving London. Moving on. It's time to go. I will miss much about London. Mostly the lovely amazing people I have met here, my life as I know it. But I won't miss English people who treat you like crap and don't know how to act in a restaurant, or the psychos on the bus or the psychos who I constantly live beneath. Those things, I won't miss. It feels like I moved here and made friends with a bunch of people...all of whom are either from Australia or New Zealand, so I bit the bullet and faced the truth for once....and decided, if all I did was hang out with Aussie people here, I might as well just go there once and for all. And that is what I'm doing. La vie d'une dilettante continues, down under. Stay tuned for posts all about acclimatizing to the sunburnt country...it feels like I live there already...but that's what I thought about England...and remember how much we all learned (and then laughed) about that?

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

moving forward...

it's been a while....but what can i say....things have been a bit jumbled lately and i'm just starting to feel like i can write a cohesive paragraph or two about my life and what's happening and where it's headed....i think that's good news enough to make up for such a crap performance these past few months....
i have numerous blog posts begun but never ended that this blog will sadly probably never see....a lovely little number about my trip to spain that was too dangerous to post in case my mother found out i got a sunburn....not to mention a few rambling pieces lamenting the going-no-where-ness of my job at the cheeseshop which made my whole life take on a similar type of going-no-where-ness feeling...now i work at a lovely little australian cafe where i am finally learning to make proper coffee (apparently i'm a quick learner...duh, i could have told you that, it's emblazoned across the top of all my resumes!) anyway....it's not like i don't know how to make coffee, i do! i just didn't know how to make proper coffee...but now i am beginning to....yay!
ironically....i feel like ever since i left diabolos i've been searching for the grown up equivalent to get that feeling back - that feeling of working at a place you feel at home at - and i think where i am now is pretty damn close - on the downside...it pays a pittance and ironically, in the end, now that i'm here....all i can keep thinking is....what next? especially since i'm not at leisure to do what i was hoping would be next: travel. oh no...the mighty hospitality pound won't afford me that over here unless i sell my soul to evil corporate type restaurants that will only make me angry and sad....so i figure it's time...to go back...yes...you know where...
i only hope it's not a repeat of teaching english school and when i get out i decide....nah...i don't really want to do that with my life - eeks...how terrible would that be!? somehow i have to believe this will be different...yup...
and the pride in making a decent cappuccino this week has been equalled only by my get up and go to contact some people and places and get some information....i'm on my way...i can feel it! (i hope....)
now if i could just stop procrastinating on my taxes and other governmental forms - life would be all tied up....but then i wouldn't really have anything to do...and well...that'd just be no fun, now wouldn't it?

Thursday, April 9, 2009

urrhhmmm...yeah...sorry about being posting remiss....
life has been a steady hamster wheel cycle of work and....not work? i guess.

my work schedule has finally settled into something resembling routine which allows my days off a routine of their own. it goes something like this: day 1) sleep in - that means till 9, get up, but by no means change out of pyjamas. drink tea. watch tv on the tv, or computer. drink tea. catch up on emails and stuff like that. drink tea. maybe watch some more tv. drink tea. run out of things to do on the computer...realize i've moved very little since i woke up and that i need to do something or i might not actually be tired enough to go to sleep i've been that sedentary. attempt to create an outfit as different as possible to my standard work uniform (jeans and black shirt) as possible...cause i can - go out. drink coffee. meet up with friends or try to convince friends to have drinks with me. wander around hackney, broadway market and victoria park. end up at a friend's house and decide to stay over there rather than go home.
day 2) wake up wearing same outfit as yesterday in someone else's house. wander around a park or bookstore or museum or shop. go home and prepare myself for back to work the next day.
and there you have it folks. my london life.

highlights of this routine include:
devora and i went to a bar with an animatronic horse head on the wall.
i went dancing in "heaven" and survived....with blisters to boot.
there have been some instances of sun in london, such that i spent an entire day sitting and sunning in the park.
discovering: target women, spinstersquest and how to spot a canadian

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

cause i am a cheesy girl i will entitle this post - roman holiday -how unoriginal!

sooooooooooooooo for some reason my boss bullied me into taking holidays and i booked them for the beginning of march...do not know why...just thought...i will book some and something will come up and then i can either move my holidays to a time when i actually need them or plan something cause march is a long way off! well turns out i was wrong, it is a lot closer than you think, in fact it is upon us! and now...really...thinking about dates and all....i really should have tried to somehow manage a trip to rome near the ides of march rather than the whatever the beginning is called part of march...hmm ah well.
sooooooooooooooo - posting from rome! i have been here two days now and yes...it is true world, i am here alone - solo you might say...it is not as much fun as being somewhere with someone but it is not as bad as you might think....in fact there are a lot of good things about travelling alone...what i have discovered about myself travelling alone however is that i can be very unmotivated - especially with my own hotel room at my disposal...if i had more books and stuff i might have tried to spend my entire vacation in my underpants within the confines of my room...just cause...your very own hotel room all to yourself is novelty enough on vacation...fear not however, rome poses enough attractive options to lure me out into the open (clothed of course!)...not to mention i am almost out of books and possess no other forms of entertainment (i already painted my toenails last night) and simply staring at a hotel room wall contrary to popular belief is not actually my idea of fun...however, evenings do indeed pose problems being the paranoid worrywart that i am...i refuse to stray more than 3 blocks from my hotel after dark cause...well...just cause...i could be kidnapped and sold into white slavery or any manner of terrible things which i spent most of the plane journey here imagining...regardless of the fact that i am in a major city just like toronto and london where i freely roam streets far and wide at all manner of ungodly hours...i mean...not that i do that mum...the language barrier plus not knowing anyone here is enough to keep me 3-block-bound while solo. somewhat thankfully, there is a hostel around the corner with a bar where i can go and have a drink and listen to lots of people my age speak english...sadly they all sound kind of like 19 year old windbags who think they know more about the world and politics than most of the world leaders they attempt to discuss - thanks but no thanks...ah well...at least it provides an hours entertainment before repainting my toenails tonight! what about rome tho? you might ask...obviously the star of this blog remains myself and not the city where all roads lead....silly reader....you should have figured that out by now...maybe i will think about dedicating some inches to rome on my next post from home when i can add photos....maybe....

Monday, February 2, 2009

FOOD ASIDE

uhm so like ps i love food.
i've become increasingly besotted with borough market.
am learning so so much about cheese in spite of hating on my job...it really has ended up teaching me a lot more than i ever thought it would.
went to a dinner at the acorn house (a sustainable restaurant in london - basically they do stuff a lot of toronto restaurants try and do anyway cause canadians know the ways to be green yo)
carlo petroni - the head of the slow movement was there and gave a speech and everything - it was pretty exciting really. i arranged cheese plates...but then they let me sit down and eat which was really nice.
am also finally reading michael pollan's book - the omnivore's dilemma - it is so so interesting - a must read if you're at all interested in knowing where the food you put into your body is really coming from....not that it tells you exactly but more like it inspires you to question where your food comes from.
am finding the idea of the democratization of food that JK pioneers really focal at the moment - especially in London which needs to democratize it's food even more so than toronto really...probably one of the key reasons i enjoy pavillion so much.

in other news, i am settling in here finally it feels...don't know what brought about this feeling but here it is and it's nice to feel like i'm in a spot for a while as opposed to constantly feeling like i need to be somewhere where i am not...however, this does shed light on other areas of my life that need to catch up with that feeling. wish me luck with sorting those things out in the coming days and weeks and months...

february begins

well party peoples...as i write this london is covered in a not so thick blanket of white stuff (no not their usual party drug white stuff) we canadians call this snow. transit has come to a grinding halt. no one, well barely anyone, went into work today. i was off anyway - what a waste of a snowday! couldn't mother nature cut me some slack and wait till wednesday or sumthin' - ouch. it all began on sunday when gusts of white flakes began to fall from the sky and walking from work to baker street with moa, rich and jp - it felt a tad on the magical side to be in a slightly snowy london with some good people. until! i ended up at king's cross on a sunday with no forseeable way to liverpool street or home except via bus - so i sucked it up and hopped on, only to be unceremoniously dumped at highbury islington waiting in the ever increasingly heavy snow wearing only my flimsy work shoes for another bus to get me on my way. ended up at devora's for some tasty dinner, too many chocy bickys and a fair amount of red wine finishing the evening off by cabbing it home due to the nast weather and heavy grocery burden caused by impromptu shopping at M&S.
Today I woke up and wandered about in my pyjama pants not realizing the havoc that was ensuing outside of my front door as to a Torontonian, what I saw outside my window was hardly newsworthy. Realized fairly soon after that all the tubes were down, no buses were running and that everyone was out and about marvelling at the snow like it was an alien substance sent by angels or...aliens maybe? Finally sucked up some courage and headed out into the white to meet up with Devora for a drink (mulled wine and snowmen were on the books). Met at the Inn on the Park which was packed and smelled of wet dog (not cause of dogs tho :(. So we decided to stroll thru some of Victoria Park, met up with a snowman friend for some photos and wound up at Garbo's which was serving mulled wine. So all in all, mission accomplished. We then convinced one another that we needed pizza which we whipped up out of corner store ingredients with quite positive results in spite of the unsuitability of some purchases and some doubt on Devora's part. We were hoping to enjoy our dinner over some crap dance movie on demand but it had myseriously disappeared - so we watched Wanted with James McAvoy and Angelina Jolie instead for some well delivered eye candy. Been blessed with some new music recently so am enjoying that while i type - bed soon and another snowy day off tomorrow...serious doubts about my ability to accomplish errands in the whiteout.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

that which is new

hmmmm
my apartment is loud (and by that i mean the people who live above us are loud). i hate it, it drives me insane. i want them to die....ok not die....but definitely move away and hopefully be replaced by the quietest little old lady who doesnt even walk and therefore makes no noise whatsoever.
in other news: devo got her own place - yay her! went dancing last night in old street. i love dancing. i also love cheese. i hate my upstairs neighbours. bedz.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Better Late than Never

Thanks Ainsley for reminding me I even had a blog....oops...
but seriously - what with Christmas and New Years and Devora arriving - life has been hecticosity! Christmas was so so so so busy at my work I barely had time to do that thing that keeps you alive....breathing I think it's called - let alone update my blog. NEwayz as I said xmas was madness at the cheese shop - lineups going around the shop to get into the cheese room section and then all these special cheese preorders that I somehow got suckered into helping with...this kept me at work in the cheese room till 9:30 two days in a row and then 10:30 on the night of the 23rd with me having to be back at work at 8am on the 24th...sooooo as you can gather from that...i was pretty beat. on the upside our work gave us champagne for xmas presents (so nice....so deserved). 24th-26th was......interesting. 27th even more so. then all of a sudden devora was arriving! i went to pick her up at victoria station where we subsequently couldn't find each other - great. then the next day was new years! i of course worked the 31st till 5pm, skeddadled on home quick to find renee and devora in equally soporific states to my own ( i seriously could have snuggled into my coat and happily fallen asleep on the bus ride home) but we rallied and told each other we HAD to go out - it was NEW YEARS. so we got gussied up - probably the best part of the evening - jumped on a bus and headed to a bar for some drinking and dancing then called it quits a few hours later, headed home and hopped into bed! seriously...no exciting news to report! London's having a cold snap - everyone is cold! It's hilarious to have Devora here and host a baby Londonder myself - see it from the other side - everyone's advice to me when I arrived all makes sense now! But I guess you have to struggle through it on your own to understand properly - remember....experience is not transferable! ;)

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

"winter" in london

so it's cold here....but not really now is it my toronto lovlies!? you have lots of lovely snow that a part of me is secretly still waiting for over here and isn't likely going to get - another part of me is happy i get to wear lovely coats and fun hats and dramatic scarves and wicked boots but doesn't actually have to contest with the actual brutal reality of winter that demands hardcore parkas and sorrels ;)
uhhhhmmm i went to a party the other day - that was fun. it was in this weird converted building that used to be something else and then was made into apartments and then they had obviously taken one of the apartments and gutted it to make some kind of "event" space that was really only the size of a one bedroom apartment...but they managed to make it work and there we were at this dance party for about 50-60 people and it was hilarious to be at a dance party that teeny and that cool that only had one bathroom....ya....that was fun.
today renee and i went to ikea...we took a bus...in retrospect this seems like a silly idea as it took us about 2 hours to get there - but oh the sights we saw made it almost worth it - imagine bussing through north toronto - it's not really toronto, but in a way it might be even more toronto than toronto - know what i mean? well i got the london equivalent today. we even passed a mall and boy did i have the itch to hit that up...an evil evil disney loving part of me craves a giant complex of my favourite stores all in one place...as for ikea...we got what we needed (and more) and in the end we admitted defeat and cabbed it home in about a quarter of the time with our booty in the...boot...

bad blogger!

sooooo....i knew that eventually the time would come where i would come to resent this blog...and here it is! nah! just kidding! but seriously...ive been remiss...for a whole month! and don't think i don't feel guilty! really, don't worry, cause i do...

s'ok! updates! what have you missed out on!?

my mum and phil came to visit - i ate waaaay too much and marched them all over the city and back again - even my bones hurt at the end of the day so when they said they felt "stiff" the next day - i can only imagine how much they were downplaying it....but all in all it was amazing to have them here and show them around and have them take me out for food!! they are so awesome and i am so so lucky that they "get" me and what i am doing...or not doing. the fact that they enjoy the same cheap, easy and odd things that i do makes for fun times...not that we didn't go to nice places - there was plenty o' that - like our lunch at the national portrait gallery restaurant (the one from the movie "closer" - watch it, you'll see, actually don't watch it, i didn't much like the movie). ya, we went for this swish lunch on the third floor of the nat portrait gallery for lunch where you can sit and look out over most of london (it's awesome) and in the middle of our lunch the fire alarm went off - no shit - ya it did! and we had to leave our beautiful lunch half eaten and our wine half drunk and file out to the street! well you can only imagine what we did next! tooright! we left! what!? they wouldnt have made us pay anyway! and what did you think we were going to do - wait around wasting precious london minutes - hells no - we went drinking at my mum's fave london wine bar - i know my mum has a fave london wine bar - how cool is she? and how cool am i for having such a cool mum! yeah! anywaaayzz - other than that...we ate a lot - did i mention that? and we walked a lot, and we went on the london eye but i was too scared to get up from the bench, and we went to greenwich where we saw this amazing painted hall and listened to an organ recital and visited the greenwich ummm...place...where GMT is measure from and stood on the line separating the hemispheres where we had a debate about hemispheres and then just like that they had to go :( but it really was so much fun! in a way it made london a little more real, having them come visit me here....to be honest, i spend so much time working the whole "living in london" thing is still working it's way into my fat skull...london is wasted on me so far...but don't worry - i'll be making up for it as soon as i can!

Monday, November 17, 2008

lazy life!

literally some...snapshots...hahaha...of my life in london...

i like to spend time wandering around their grocery stores like: tesco, sainsbury's, but most of all waitrose...cause it's pretty and nice and...expensive...not to mention close to my work! i guess cause i really like food, it's a bit exciting to go into the stores here and see all this new stuff...mostly the same food but just with different brand names and packaging...but still...here's a discovery i made in waitrose the other day...which i then HAD to take a picture of...try looking discreet with a camera in a grocery store...

the other day...i happened to be near the whole foods that they have here in london...so...for the sake of comparison to north american whole foods i thought i'd go in and take a looksee round...not to mention i was bored and i love food shopping - have i mentioned that before? saw this and chuckled - so i took a picture

n.b. the bin says "organic minced beef only" - now i know the bin must have been enjoying a type of bin reincarnation here and is probably no longer used for minced beef...but it's still funny


when i'm not in grocery stores...i am either walking about, in my apartment or at work (or maybe in a clothes shop) or i am en route via the london transport system of buses and trains...here is a frequent sight in london tube stations...now i know we have these in toronto too...but rarely do they actually come up ONTO the platform like the london mice do! really, someone should teach those toronto rodents a thing or two about hospitality and manners - i mean....the least they could do was make some kind of concerted effort to get to know foreigners like the london ones do (pictured here)...so friendly.

here are some things i've stumbled upon in my recent wanderings of late....
above...i wandered down the canal today...yeah, you know...typical london day - go for a stroll down the canal - oh so civilized and all that rot...and came across this...have no idea what it is...but doesn't it look cool!?...yeah that's really all i got on that one...anyywaaay
below...yeah, that's right! clare street!! holy crap! you never see my name anywhere in north america! let alone my name spelled "right" and this street is just down the way from my house! crazy! please note however that it's a super short, dirty street that mostly houses the backends of car garages...no worries - i checked and there's totally like clare lane and clare place and clare...crescent or something in london too...i've assured myself they've got to be nicer than clare street...otherwise i might think it was some kind of omen or something...


catch all y'all on the flipside...till next time...lots of london love.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

London Life!

Here I am in London, one of the most incredible cities in the world, on one of the most incredible days in history (the US election) – which, although I’m not in the states, obviously has worldwide implications and therefore is relevant in any cosmopolitan city, London being one of if not the most in the world….and what have I been doing? I am still in my pyjamas. I did leave the house. Once. For an hour. I bought fish and chips. Now I’m back. Fear not north American friends – I haven’t adopted fancy mannerisms or taken on any kind of airs or anything like that in my new city of residence – oh no, I am still salt of the earth, grounded, slovenly. Everyone, please rest assured that I remain quite myself.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

my plaaace!

I have a house. It’s in hackney – which is sort of a bad area…I mean…its been known as a bad area for a while but there are parts of it that are really nice and pretty and all that! I live sort of inbetween the good and the bad bits…its not so bad. Except I do live in a council flat block which is basically kind of like an apartment building that was originally built as sort of cheap co-op housing…it’s the first time I’ve ever lived seriously above ground…the place totally has basement syndrome tho – when I first walked in it looked gahetto! (well cause it kinda is…) but anyway – yeah…but now that there’s people and stuff in it – it’s looking better – I mean, the stair carpet is robertstreetesque at best and the plaster looks lumpy in spots and there’s strange holes and patches like there tends to be in cheap accommodation but it’s clean and liveable and I have a feeling the three of us are going to kit this place out and give it some serious character and then it will be funky boho chic and everything will blend together to make it actually cool. I have my very own lovely room and since I have no stuff I have lots of room in my…room. I put my bed in the middle of the room to take up more space. I bought super awesome fancy sheets and they make all the difference in feeling homey and good in my room so I’m glad. Also having my own space and getting out and hanging up all my clothes also makes me feel at home and cozy…funny…I guess you can see where my priorities lie – sheets and clothes…
here are some pics of victoria park which i live beside...it will make you think where i live is nice...yes...keep thinking that...pics of my actual place will follow if and when my room actually looks like a room and not a locker ;)

ps. i love that i posted about my favourite place to eat before i posted about my house...





Tuesday, October 28, 2008

food! fabulous food!

i've found a place!!! an honest to god cool, delish, good, wonderful, greeny, socially responsible, a bit edgy, tasty, but not too granola place to eat - and quel location! right by my house - score. love you pavillion!!! in my dreams i will work here one day...



Tuesday, October 14, 2008

still alive...barely

i just wanted everyone to know i'm still alive. just with little to no access to the internet and a lot on my mind at the moment but i'm safely installed in my new digs and working away like a busy little bee...more updates once i'm connected.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

picture post

in order to make up for the last few hurried and pictureless posts - heres a bunch of photographic evidence of my life in london...

this is the street i "live" on....and by that i mean....the street a bunch of boys i know who have been kind enough to let me stay with them for over a week live on...

speaking of houses and boys....the morning after the infamous toga party...we all made breakfast together - that's isaac and his frying pan - neha was also visiting - ah canadian girls crashing in mile end ;)

mmm breakfast - i think isaac enjoyed his...matt looks slightly less joyful and slightly more contemplative

then isaac and neha and i visited bourough market and strolled along the river!
where we saw pirates!
that night matt and i went to see tropic of thunder (which was hilarious) and we passed by a go-kart track on our way home - go karts! in london! weird....

have i mentioned these boys are med students and spent the better part of half an hour one night "finding veins"....yeah...

i promise more cohesion to my blog soon....

a note from mile end

still can't shake this sickness!!!! ah!
the job is wearing me down - too much annoying shop job not enough eating of cheese to hold my interest!
facebook is hiring, maybe i can work for them! lol.
just moved a crapload of stuff from all nidhee's recently departed london friends into my own new flat....thanks to jill, ak, holly and nidhee for everything!
i even have my own keys
next step - new job and bike
for now i'm in mile end staying with a housefulloboys - thankfully one of them is off partying his behind off after running it off in the berlin marathon so i have his keys and room ALL to myself! whoo!....i might just steal his identity and stay!